I often cry when I take the time to reflect on my life and what I have been able to endure, accomplish and attain. It can be difficult to build a life that lives up to your expectations, especially when you do not have the blueprint readily available to you. Life in its self is a beautiful thing; one that can easily fall victim to or allow to pass by. In turn, sometimes the boundaries of our experiences and our mind holds us back from reaching our highest potential.
Using my life as an example, I grew up in what society refers to as a “broken home”, with a family that at times didn’t really didn’t feel all family’ish. But even then, I watched TV and dreamt of what paradise looks like, trying my best to figure out the right path for me. Along this journey, I found myself going through the motions of life and allowing life to take hold of my dreams. It dictated what I should be doing, and I often succumbed to this control. I would then find myself falling victim to all of the things that I tried so hard not to become in the first place.
Working towards a dream, without the presence of a blueprint can be one of the most devastating journeys that you can embark on, but also the most rewarding if and when you succeed. Throughout the years I found myself playing the role of the victim, allowing things to happen to me instead of creating my path and following my own gut feelings. I had to change, to live life on my own terms. After several failed relationships, working at a job that I absolutely hated, and then taking out these failures on myself, I finally decided that I would take life by the horns and create a version I desired. While improving on my mindset, my days also started to improve. More passion, more happiness, more….everything.
It amazing how, in fighting for something that I have never seen, but instinctually knew was for me, I found myself and began building a life that warmed my soul. This journey began for me with therapy, where I was able to unpack a lot of the bullshit that was holding me back. Things like repressed daddy issues, limiting beliefs that had been instilled in me from my mom, and the overall toxic behaviour to which I had grown accustomed. Each day was a struggle, but I held myself accountable and removed myself from these situations, one at a time. Working through behaviours and ideologies that have been embedded in my DNA was the hardest battle I fought, yet also the most rewarding. After so many years of repeatedly and intentionally working toward becoming my best self, I know now that I have arrived.
Finally, for maybe the first time ever, I know who I am and I am confident I can accomplish anything that I focus on. I can have the desires of my heart, but I must work towards my dreams on a daily basis. I am not a victim. Rather, I play a role in my own happiness and I have to own it. What was done in the past is exactly where it should be…in the past. I will no longer allow any limiting belief to hold me to life that lacks authenticity, for I have arrived. Grateful for where I’ve been, thankful for where I am I at, and hopeful for my future.
If life is a canvas what will you create, start small and start today, for the time is now.