Lately, I’ve been seeing a lot of commentary from women who are not honouring their femininity, which invoked the thought of gender roles in my own mind.
A lot has changed since the women’s suffrage movement in the 1920s, even more so since the creation of birth control in 1960 and decision of Roe Vs. Wade in 1973. While I am extremely grateful for all of the rights women acquired over the years while simultaneously feeling thankful for those fearless warriors who fought for my rights, I wonder if all of the “newly” found rights have done damage to the American family and the female in general.
For example, on social media, I see a lot of women stating they can do it all on their own. I see posts where women say to the social media world they don’t need a partner; they can do it all for themselves. As I think about that, I am not sure if they even believe this notion themselves.
According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, belonging/partnership is the third-ranked need on his pyramid. It comes only after one’s most basic needs—food, water, and safety. If there is any validity in Maslow’s theory (which history has shown there is), then there are either several exceptions to the rule or “we” are just lying to ourselves.
The role of a woman encompasses a lot of titles and responsibilities, often times unexplained or confusing to us millennials. Cooking, cleaning, caretaking and running an entire household NO MATTER WHAT? WOW…where to start! I often think of those of us who saw our mother do it all, naturally assuming this was the rule and not the exception.
Growing up, I saw my mother and father work together to build a six-figure business, followed by my mother uprooting us, leaving my father behind. During that time, I was under the assumption that this was the norm; that the woman makes the decisions and the man falls in line. As a result, my mother instilled in me a lot of damaging and masculine traits that I took into my heart as truth. And after years of failed relationships, I couldn’t figure out what my problem was since it clearly wasn’t me.
I was a hard worker and could do everything by myself. To that end, I certainly wasn’t going to submit myself to a man. I never saw that happen in my entire lineage. Hell, all of the women in my family were either separated or divorced. And it wasn’t until therapy, at the age of 34, when my therapist drew a family diagram that I actually realized all of the brokenness. It was then that I had to re-examine all that I knew. It was then that I realized I didn’t want that life for myself. That I actually want to change my DNA, so that I could one day be the success story in my family’s genetic pool.
After a ton of work on myself and during a period of abstinence and solidarity, I embarked on a journey with my therapist to capture my femininity. I was able to come to the conclusion that I embrace partnership, for which I am the female. A female that is delicate, loving and nurturing. A female that seeks partnership from a male that possess the values and characteristics to which I can submit myself to, because I know that if you want to go fast then you do so alone, but if you want to go far then you go together.
And after years of correcting negative learned behaviour and re-programming myself, I became the woman who I needed and wanted to be. It was then that I was able to be a magnetic force to attract the type of man that I have always dreamt. It was then that I was able to fall into my role as a female partner and it has been the best and most freeing decision I have ever made.
So I ask you—do you know your role?
Are you satisfied in that role?
If not, this is a perfect time in your life to self-reflect and begin to make the challenging but important adjustments to develop into the woman you are meant to be.